K-RCT Episode 3

Rory McGory:Citizens of Rockay, breaking news, just in: Crime Boss: Rockay City is coming to consoles. Heck to the yeah! The organized crime game of FPS and turf wars will be coming to PlayStation 5 and XBox Series S and X as a digital download on June 15th. The physical edition of Crime Boss: Rockay City will be available on September 5th.

Rory McGory:In other news, a Florida man pleads not guilty after being caught red-handed with twelve Rockay City Zoo rock turtles.

Rory McGory:This is Rory McGory, signing off for Rockay City News Network: bringing you the news you don’t wanna hear. Up next: a manatee doing paragliding? More likely than you think—a story with Fran Ann McGann coming to you now.

Jingle:K-RCT Rockay City Talk Radio.

Fran Ann McGann:Can you believe it? A manatee? Flying? I mean… good—good for the manatee, that’s what I say. I mean, like, a paragliding manatee? Who would have thought it? I thought I’d see pigs fly first, but no, apparently it’s the manatee. I guess they’re kind of a—ocean pig, maybe. Well, anyway, what an amazing story.

Fran Ann McGann:Well, anyway, back to K-RCT Rockay City Talk Radio. We’ve got an exciting feature for you. We’ve got the amazing Karl McGnarl, who you might know better from RockON Magazine. He’s going to be telling you his three favorite places to visit while you’re out and about on the Rockay City scene, so stay tuned for that. So, yeah, up next, here are some more adverts, woohoo!

Advertisement:Get the latest copy of RockON Magazine right now: your source for all of the news, views, and truths about Rockay City. If you want to know what the seedy underbelly is doing, then you can read it at RockON first.

Advertisement:Come to Chicken Barbecue, the best chicken barbecue in the whole of Rockay City and all of the goddamn world! Do you wanna barbecue a pig? Go somewhere else! We just barbecue chicken! Wanna barbecue your grandma? Go somewhere else! We’re not gonna deep-fry your granny here! We just make chicken! The best barbecue chicken! Home of the original chicken burger! If you want your chicken barbecue, come to Chicken Barbecue, where we barbecue chicken.

Advertisement:Summer Drops: when summer drops, drink Summer Drops!

Jingle:K-RCT Rockay City Talk Radio.

Karl McGnarl:So I went to the beach near Rockay City and I’ve gotta tell you, it’s a bit of a strange one. First off, there was sand everywhere. I mean, it’s a beach, so I suppose that’s to be expected, but this was a real excessive amount of sand. I was practically wading through it just to get to the shoreline.

Karl McGnarl:And speaking of the shoreline, there were crabs everywhere, big ones, little ones, all scurrying around like they own the joint. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of crabs. They’ve got these beady little eyes and those creepy claws. It’s not my idea of a good time.

Karl McGnarl:But the real kicker was all the rubbish. I mean, come on, people, have a bit of respect for the environment! There were soda cans and plastic bags strewn about like nobody’s business. It was like a garbage dump had exploded and landed right on the beach.

Karl McGnarl:Overall I’ve got to say this beach was a bit of a letdown. I wasn’t expecting pristine white sand and crystal-clear waters but this was something else entirely. The sand was overwhelming, the crabs were unsettling, and the rubbish was just plain disappointing. I wasn’t—it was mostly all bicycles.

Karl McGnarl:I used to have a BMX when I was a kid. I hit a rock and flew over the handlebar—smashed into a tree. The weird thing was that when I hit the tree, a cat fell out and landed on my head. Apparently that cat had been lost for two weeks, stuck up the tree.

Karl McGnarl:Would I go back? Probably not. But hey, at least I’ve seen it all now. No cats there, though.

Karl McGnarl:All right, then. So I was walking around this Downtown the other day. They were a bit mental. Everywhere you look there’s skyscrapers reaching up to the sky like giant metal fingers. And don’t even get me started on the neon signs. I mean, who needs that many bright colors all in one place?

Karl McGnarl:What really threw me off were the people in the street. They were just running around like maniacs holding bricks and smashing things left and right. I’m not sure what the problem was, but I didn’t want to stick around to find out. It was like a scene from a post-apocalyptic movie or something. I half-expected to see zombies stumbling out of the allies, but nope—just regular people going about their day, throwing bricks and causing chaos.

Karl McGnarl:I’ve gotta say I wasn’t a f—uh, a fan of this part of the scene. Too many tall buildings, too much noise, and way too many brick-wielding lunatics. I wouldn’t recommend it as a holiday destination, that’s for sure. Unless you’re into that sort of thing, I suppose, but me? I’ll stick to the countryside, where the most exciting thing you’ll see is a cow wandering around.

Karl McGnarl:I went to Rockay Port the other day, and, honestly, it was a bit of a strange place. There were boats as far as the eye could see, and they were all massive. I’m talking, like, bigger than your average house, and the noise they made? My ears are still ringing.

Karl McGnarl:It wasn’t just the boats that were weird. The whole place was surrounded by these giant crates and shipping containers full of who knows what? I mean, I saw one container with “FRAGILE” written on it in big letters, but I’m pretty sure the people handling it weren’t treating it with the care it deserved.

Karl McGnarl:And the smell? Ugh, man, I don’t even know how to describe it. It was like a mixture of fish and diesel fuel and God knows what else? Definitely not a fragrance I’d want to bottle up and wear as a cologne.

Karl McGnarl:But you know what the strangest thing was? I didn’t even see a single person around. Just boats and crates and containers. It was like a ghost town but with ships instead of buildings and seagulls instead of people. And a seagull actually ate my fish and chips once. They ate the whole thing! Swooped in and took it all.

Karl McGnarl:Overall, I’ve got to say this port was not my cup of tea. It’s too loud, too smelly, and too many mysterious crates. I wouldn’t recommend it as a vacation spot unless you’re really into boats and weird smells.

Musical interlude:Crime Boss: Rockay City trailer theme.

Jingle:K-RCT Rockay City Talk Radio.

Advertisement:Hey, come on over to the Laffa Motel. Y’know, it’s not the best place, but it’s cheap, it’s clean, we don’t ask too many questions, we make sure everything is hosed down with sanitizer after the rooms we charge by the hour come available. What else you gonna do if you want somewhere to stay? Come to the Laffa Motel!